I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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