Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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