OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
