amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
