I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
