Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
