Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
