Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
