No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize