Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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