TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
