I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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