The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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