I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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