butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
