Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You ruined the universe
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
