Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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