Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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