Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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