Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
