I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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