you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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