sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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