How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
