Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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