There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Randomize
