Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
