I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
