I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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