just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
