fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
