Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
