But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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