I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
