Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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