You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
