I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
