dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
