how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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