There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
