i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im drinking this country out of the recession.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
