I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
