I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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