i barfeds in our rink
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
