I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
