They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
