Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
