"it" just moved
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
