glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
