I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
