dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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