I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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