Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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