This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize