the condom got lost in my hair
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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