just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
