would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
