That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
