I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize