just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
