Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
