I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
