Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
