I faked an abortion last night.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize