Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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