I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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