i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Randomize
