So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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