Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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