Where did you get a picture of my penis
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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