it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
